Hyper-Religiosity is a Part of Mania

Hyper-Religiosity is a Part of Mania

I read about hyper-religiosity is a part of mania. 

The writer of this article speak to people about his manic and psychotic episodes which have all included feelings of understanding and knowing God and noticing an unquestionable faith, a faith that is more difficult to maintain when he is stable. At the most extreme of these experiences was the time that he actually thought that he was touched by Jesus, followed by his manic and psychotic mind taking the delusion even further into believing that he was seeing angels. An enormous amount of information flooded his brain as he seemed to take on supernatural powers, acquiring knowledge that he believed was flowing from other dimensions that “normal” people are unable to detect. However, now experiencing stability, he don’t have all of that false information. I'm astounded after reading this. It was exactly how I used to feel, think, say, and madly wrote about it.

Right now I feel different. I don't have the urge to write because I have no racing thoughts. I'm not reading the bible like there is no tomorrow and writing about it. I feel much slower than I normally feel. I asked myself if this is how being balance feel. I'm not caught up with thoughts of God or write nonstop about spiritual experiences and I'm not seeing bright lights I believe are angels. 

I went back reading all my past blog and realized I was so religious and maybe I was off when I wrote all that. I think I was manic when I was writing most of it. I find it difficult to maintain my extreme thoughts about faith when I am feeling somewhat stable. I think the medications, lithium and zyprexa, is suppressing the bipolar symptoms because I don't feel manic or psychotic. I am not being overwhelmed with religious thoughts and feelings. My energy at this level is new to me. I sit at my desk in my room wondering what is happening. I'm so weirded out. I'm trying to not overthink this. Now experiencing a little stability, it's like I lost my third eye. I don't have all of that false religious information. My mind is not going on and on about the past experiences. My head is not overloaded with so much things, it feels nice. I have no doubt about everything I wrote on my blog are the truth how I felt and believe at that time. Whether it was real or if it was my imagination -- it doesn't matter. I feel I have evolved and my perspective always changes for the better. I can now differentiate what I write when I'm well and when I'm unwell.

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Taking Care of Bipolar Disorder in the Present

Taking Care of Bipolar Disorder in the Present

It took me a long time to really come to terms with bipolar disorder. I kept hoping it would just go away. I know I was super hard on myself for years because I couldn't seem to get my act together. It was a loss to realize that this is my life. It's not going to go away. I learn to manage it. For a long time I would wake up in the morning and think, oh my god, I have bipolar disorder. Nothing will ever get better. But it does get better. Year after year and month after month I manage my symptoms more successfully, and each time is better than the last. My depressions are much shorter now and as long as I stay on my meds and watch my lifestyle I don't get too manic. I still can't be regulate to consistently sleep every night and I get hypomania but it's not severe. This is something my doctor and I are currently working on. My medication got adjusted. I am now taking Lithium with Zyprexa. My doctor suggested to put me on Zyprexa injections to lessen the stress for me of having to remember to take a pill every day and I will have the correct dosage of medication in my system.

Learning to live with a serious lifelong illness takes so much adjustment. I have to look at my life differently than I expected. The brain I thought would be there when I need it often malfunctions and wrecks my life. The body I thought would take care of me gets sick easily. I have been blogging to let people know what a challenge and burden it is to live with this illness every day. I have come to terms with the reality of this illness so that I can move forward in health and joy. Talking about the feelings I have surrounding my diagnosis is a positive first step in learning to live with bipolar disorder without it taking over my life. I have the ability to take charge of bipolar disorder. I can't do it with medications only, and I can't do it alone. I will never forget that I am the one who lives with the illness. I will keep myself well enough to have a clear enough brain to make my own decisions. I have a system in place to take care of me when my brain isn't well enough to take care of me.

Life is good now. I'm a good mother. I'm better. So much better than before I was diagnosed. I accept where I am today. I still get this twinge of hope that it's all a dream, but I find that the more I live in the reality of the fact that I have a mental illness, the more proud I am of my considerable accomplishment of staying alive and creating a really good life. It really is about the choices I make when I am well. The more prevention I can do during the stable times, the more able I will be to recognize, treat, and end the mood swings before they go too far. 

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