Taking Care of Bipolar Disorder in the Present
It took me a long time to really come to terms with bipolar disorder. I kept hoping it would just go away. I know I was super hard on myself for years because I couldn't seem to get my act together. It was a loss to realize that this is my life. It's not going to go away. I learn to manage it. For a long time I would wake up in the morning and think, oh my god, I have bipolar disorder. Nothing will ever get better. But it does get better. Year after year and month after month I manage my symptoms more successfully, and each time is better than the last. My depressions are much shorter now and as long as I stay on my meds and watch my lifestyle I don't get too manic. I still can't be regulate to consistently sleep every night and I get hypomania but it's not severe. This is something my doctor and I are currently working on. My medication got adjusted. I am now taking Lithium with Zyprexa. My doctor suggested to put me on Zyprexa injections to lessen the stress for me of having to remember to take a pill every day and I will have the correct dosage of medication in my system.Learning to live with a serious lifelong illness takes so much adjustment. I have to look at my life differently than I expected. The brain I thought would be there when I need it often malfunctions and wrecks my life. The body I thought would take care of me gets sick easily. I have been blogging to let people know what a challenge and burden it is to live with this illness every day. I have come to terms with the reality of this illness so that I can move forward in health and joy. Talking about the feelings I have surrounding my diagnosis is a positive first step in learning to live with bipolar disorder without it taking over my life. I have the ability to take charge of bipolar disorder. I can't do it with medications only, and I can't do it alone. I will never forget that I am the one who lives with the illness. I will keep myself well enough to have a clear enough brain to make my own decisions. I have a system in place to take care of me when my brain isn't well enough to take care of me.
Life is good now. I'm a good mother. I'm better. So much better than before I was diagnosed. I accept where I am today. I still get this twinge of hope that it's all a dream, but I find that the more I live in the reality of the fact that I have a mental illness, the more proud I am of my considerable accomplishment of staying alive and creating a really good life. It really is about the choices I make when I am well. The more prevention I can do during the stable times, the more able I will be to recognize, treat, and end the mood swings before they go too far.
