There are many hindrances to healing. One of the main hindrances is unbelief. Unbelief is a challenge that many people encounter in the course of their Christian lives. There are times when fear, doubt and one’s own mental issues hinder the amount of faith one can muster at one point. In other instances, the issue lies in unrepented sin and not being in line with God’s will. God cannot heal someone who is not in line with what is required. The enemy uses sin as an avenue for attacks and some of these come in the form of sickness. Another challenge is unforgiveness. People who carry burdens from their past and resentment for others do not receive healing because they are weighed down by this issue. A human hindrance comes in the form of pride. People need to shed their pride and humble themselves before God can move in their lives. In order to overcome these hindrances, it calls for intense study of the Word and a buildup of one’s faith. What a person does not believe in cannot bring about healing. Everyone needs to be immersed in God for healing to take place.
If the person I am praying for had feeling of resentment, bitterness or anger, I could tell them that they need to let this go before anything changes in their lives. Unforgiveness is a burden that the enemy uses to keep one from focusing on God and everything that he can do in an individual’s life.
In my case, I had three supernatural experiences at Giver of Life Church that I don't fully understand because I vaguely remember the details of what really happened to me. All I remember I reacted negatively and I woke up laying on the floor in tears. No one told what I done. I had amnesia. This is called short-term memory loss that I forget things I heard, saw, or did during those times. I stopped going to that church because I keep getting triggered every time I go there. I started having nightmares I can't understand. This really messed me up mentally and it worsen when I realized my dreams are actually my memories that returned slowly in bits and pieces then I interpreted it wrong when I tried to make sense of it all on my own. I was so consumed with my own emotions in which I reacted negatively and was oppressed by the darkness. I won’t let go. I had tunnel vision and couldn’t see anything beyond the unsettling misinterpretations that came from the madness of my own mind. I was so angry because I had so much fear. For the longest time I thought I was traumatized. I am walking on a path to recovery but I have been plagued for a long time with a heaviness on my heart that robs my peace and joy. It weighs me down that I cannot accept any help from other Christians. I despised anyone touching me and supposedly pray for me. A sense of oppression would descend upon me for that reason. I’ve held onto some serious resentment towards the pastor at Giver of Life Church. I came to her church seeking help but the kind of help that I received was wrong. It was my first time attended a charismatic church. I was not prepared for that kind of environment especially not when I was so low in the depressive state, my mind was very unstable. I was overstimulated that made me reacted very badly and the situation made me so severely stress that it triggered my mind to become dissociative which was caused by my mental illness. When I found out the Pastor and everyone at that church believed I was demon possessed and what I believe what they did to me was an exorcism, I was in rage. I refused to talk to anyone.
So, is it their fault? Maybe, maybe not. I knew I should forgive them, but I could not bring myself to do it and held a grudge for 3 years because I did not feel they deserve my forgiveness.
Couple years later I met Theresa, a leader at Hunger School, who invited me to attend an event at ICC Church to hear Chris Overstreet speak. So I went with my Mother-in-Law, she asked me to listen with my heart and be open to anything the Lord might say to me. During the reversed prayer time, Pastor Chuck came to me and laid his hands on me to pray but my mind automatically rejected his help and I subconsciously fought against it. That moment I become somewhat dissociated and altered to another identity, my overprotective part, who wanted to come out and take control but I wouldn't let the switch completely happen. From the outside appearance it looked like I was fighting Pastor Chuck but truthfully I was fighting within myself to stay present and not be totally dissociated. It’s complicated to explain this mental disorder. I remember I had a hard time hearing because I was going in and out of consciousness.
However, what touched my heart was when Pastor Chuck told me to let myself surrender and have freedom. When I felt my body slowly falling to the floor, immediately I refused and resisted fighting back. I don't want to repeat having another episode of dissociation to lose myself to another part in me and have amnesia. I forced my mind to be present and tried to stay standing but then I fell down on my knees. I cried. I'm not fighting anyone. I just can't let my mind go and I refused to collapsed on the floor. I didn't know how to communicate being in this chaotic state when my mind is disoriented. When I can hear, I heard people telling me I am safe and they are sorry. This touched my heart and it made me relaxed a little. I felt no more danger. Pastor Chuck asked if he can give me a hug and I said yes. Then someone took me into a different room away from everybody in the main room which I was so grateful.
Chris Overstreet came up to me and said he felt I have a lot of deep unforgiveness inside me. He begin to work on me in the room privately. He said God love me, while disapproving of that person's actions. The Lord made it clear to him to tell me that the abuse was not my fault. He said that the Lord truly loved everyone, caused me to have a change of heart. I was able to talk to Chris Overstreet and received his prayers. As I looked up from my protective posture, I thought about all of the reasons why I should not forgive which were no longer valid. Chris Overstreet asked if I was ready to forgive and I said yes. He asked me to say a prayer with him but deep down I know I am still holding on to the past and I can’t completely let go because it is not that easy.
It took awhile for me to have more clarity, I’m not sick, I understand why every time I see lights it would take me back to my experiences at Giver of Life, as if, the angels are telling me I needed closure and reconciliation over the misunderstanding I held on for so long. Jesus want me to reconcile with Pastor Selina and make peace. I understand now using the word exorcism is incorrect. What I went through and received was God’s deliverance. I returned back to Giver of Life and share my testimony. I finally found closure and let go. I am obeying my Father God and this is the reason why I am taking this Physical Healing course to understand more about spiritual healing because I believe I have experienced it. When I made the choice to forgive, the feelings that had been compromising my life-anger, resentment, fear, misunderstanding, and confusion -- left my heart. Forgiving brought peace to my heart as I continue healing.
