HeartSync: Synchronizing My Parts to God
HeartSync is about healing through synchronizing broken and divided hearts. This is about how we developed emotional self-awareness and integrated ourselves into resolving conflicts and freeing ourselves. HeartSync helped clarify many things for me, like learning to take out negative emotions from an unwanted feeling onto something else that is less threatening. This refers as remove and replacing. According to HeartSync, synchronizing my "Parts" with me, the True Self, and God results in an amazing spiritual connection with one's God-given identity. The corresponding experiences enhance my spiritual encounters.
Baby "the Heart & Inner Child"
I got triggered by a vision. I had seen a baby on the ground covered with blood. I freaked out so much and was in a bipolar episode before I knew it. Luckily, I remember what my psychologist told me what to do when something like this happened. I envision myself returning to the Baby, picking her up, cleaning the blood on her body, and then putting clothes on her. The crying stopped. Then I got triggered by a double vision. I had seen a baby sitting on the floor next to a wooden shape sorter box toy. There were six pieces of different shapes around her. I saw her trying to put the pieces in the box, but the parts kept changing into various forms. I watched the Baby as she screamed in frustration.
I cried out to God about what to do. The Baby and I were in a room that suddenly got so bright like a light switch turned on. I knew what to do. I took away the pieces the Baby was holding and, picking her up, walked towards the bright light. There sat God on a throne. I put the Baby on God's lap and gave her a Rubik's cube to play with. I said to her, "We are no longer shapes. We are colors now. This cube has six colors. What color are we, use this to figure us out." Astonishingly, as she was playing with her new toy, I felt her pain gradually go away. I know the Baby is safe with God. That was it. Isn't this so bizarre, but it worked. The Baby and I felt at peace. The power of visualization really works.
Beast "the Protector"
I recall returning to how Beast became more than just a voice. As a child, I was often a loner who didn't talk much, trying to cope with what I saw at night and what I heard inside my head. I kept it a secret, so scared people would find out how psychotic I was as a kid. I was once an abandoned little girl when my mom took off, leaving my brothers and me to be raised by my aunt, who suffered from mental illness. She had to take care of seven kids on her own. She was very strict with me and often showed me tough love by hitting. Beast helped me endure the pain. I don't feel alone at night having her with me. She chases away the dark shadows that always come after me and teaches me how to desensitize all my fears.
As an adult, I felt the Beast's presence is always there but very faintly. Speaking about this took me back to the past of my first marriage. The marriage was volatile and traumatic. The breaking point was when my ex did something that made me snap, and I cried out, losing my mind. Beast took control for the first time and reacted to the situation. I saw a vision. She grabbed the wall mirror, and with all her rage, she hit my ex's face with it. Fast forward to the present day, I found out my ex reached out to Nathan and Darin. I was shocked. This deadbeat has been absent from my son's life for 20 years. I asked Nathan about it, but he didn't want to talk about it. Of course, I forced it.
Nathan said he didn't respond, blocked the number, and showed me the text message. I lost my mind when I read the part "why you not responding to me. NO RESPECT" Oh hell no. At that critical moment, I switched to Beast and felt her next to me for the first time while still present. I saw a vision in my head of her angrily grabbing the mirror because she wanted to hit the deadbeat again. I mentally held Beast back. David saw me struggling to contain my body from the quick jerking movements like having a seizure. Not knowing how to explain, I was trying to hold Beast back. He pulled me into our room, away from the kids, that was when Beast completely took control, and I disappeared. Something happened. I can't recall it, but it was swift. When I was present again, I saw David's horrified expression, then he fell down to his knees and cried out to God for help. David said he knew he was talking to me, but it wasn't me talking back to him. He was petrified. He wouldn't tell me more and said to forget about it. He told me everything was ok now. This led me to ask my other Part, the Observer. It turned out Beast said she hates the deadbeat and he will never be our dad; then I got confused when Beast asked David if he was her dad.
I cried out to God to show me what this all means. I experienced another vision. I was in a room with Beast. I saw her holding the mirror as her weapon to fight. Suddenly there was an explosion of bright light, and Beast fell to her knees, ready to take off to run away from the light like she always does. She is terrified of the light every time she encounters it. I quickly grabbed her and hugged her close. I saw myself giving her a pair of sunglasses to wear, making the light less harsh. I removed the mirror from her hands and softly said, "God is your father, and you don't need this anymore." I felt God's presence reaching out to us from behind me and saw his outreach hand. I pulled Beast up. "Next time, reach for your father's hand right here" We finally connected with God. Beast and I felt the chain that held us in captivity for a very long time finally break, and we were released.
Doctor "the Verbal Logical Explainer"
I grew up in SoCal. As an eight-year-old girl, I already know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a doctor. I know something is wrong with me, and I want to fix myself. I love playing Doctor, but I have no one to play with, so the shadows I see around me are my patients. Don't laugh at me, but it's true. Living with my cousins, I had to take care of them, and I would act like they were my patients, but they cried too much, so it wasn't fun. When I'm alone, especially at night, the shadows appear, and I trained myself to not be scared because I'm the Doctor with superpowers, so shadows were the best patient using my imagination to deal with them. When I was a kid, I used to get punished when I was caught reading a book. The Doctor helped me endure this unfair treatment, and I let her go on explaining things to me why and how to desensitize my mind redirecting it to be somewhere else and mentally remove myself to leave where I was at getting beaten up by becoming dissociated. The Part loves reading, studying, and taking notes because she loves learning and explaining them. Early on, there was an unspoken need to find an antidote that always haunted us. I always believed all doctors know this. I have a funny memory of my guy friends who always asked me to do their book reports. This was the Doctor's favorite thing to do at night when she didn't sleep, and no one knew about it. The Doctor was very much in control in situations that had to do academically. I knew this, so I would cry out to her for help. In high school, my favorite teacher was Mr.Stanley in biology class. I get extra credit for the extra notes taking. He even wrote in my binder A++, boosting the Doctor's ego and making her head bigger. I hear this Part telling me to become a doctor after high school, that dreams never happened when I was forced to move up to NorCal. The Doctor went into hibernation when I was 16 years old, living a new life in a new city under a new name Lena.
I believe this Part came back during a psychiatric evaluation because I had filed a claim with the Social Security Administration. I don't know, remember everything that had happened. It was traumatic because I was experiencing psychosis symptoms that I could not explain, and I was a complete mess talking to the 3rd party psychologist who was examing me. It made me feel belittled, and I couldn't handle the situation, so the Doctor took over. I received total disability benefits, which caused the Doctor to melt down because this means she is officially mentally ill. She was in denial for the longest time, trying to prove that she was not. This scared the living daylight out of me but concreting the Doctor's role.
The reality, I can't be a doctor, so I'll be a nurse. I was in nursing school, and the Doctor was entirely forced into control of me. I had many manic attacks, not sleeping for days to study; when it was the day to take the test, I had a mental fight between her and the bipolar. On the day of taking the final, I had a tough time getting up and going to school. I stood in my room holding my head with both hands and trying to talk to David, but I couldn't get a word out. I shook uncontrollably. My body twisted into unusual postures like a contortionist freaking David out. I have a Part don't want to go and another Part that is determined to go. Finally, I got through to talk to David and asked him to drive me to school because it was the final test. In the car, I became dissociated, and the Doctor took over to take the test, and she aced it and got a 100. This kept happening, and I was in the same cycle throughout nursing school until I crashed into a severely deep depression state where I could not function anymore and had to leave the nursing program, and this was traumatizing. The Doctor gets fixated on fixing things in my brain. She is obsessed with finding the "cure" to the point of insanity. She would do the same thing and be oblivious to the same outcome each time, which never stopped her from fixing herself. She questions everything and looks for other explanations when she is not satisfied. The Doctor wants to find a connection and reason for everything that had happened over the past 7 years. There must be a scientific explanation for my illnesses, and a spiritual explanation for all the exorcisms I had experienced that drove her crazy and unreasonable.
The Lord intervened, giving me the gift of clarity to help the Doctor. Faith brought me to HeartSync, and they explained it all. There is a scientific and spiritual explanation. The concept of brain synchronization or normal integrative functions between different areas of the brain highlights the brain's ability to do more than one thing at a time. It is evidenced in the Parts often holding various aspects of memory which can be divided into different types of memory for each individual Part. Between the Part of the heart that functions and the Part that houses unresolved emotional pain, tremendous conflict often exists between Parts. The Function Part of the heart is predominantly left-brain functions, while the Emotion Part is understood to be a right-brain function. The Guardian is perceived to correlate most to the amygdala, which interfaces between the right brain and the left brain and comprises the function known as the "verbal logical explainer." This scientific description makes sense because this is what the Doctor is about. I must seek more of HeartSync because I have to give my permission to pray for an infilling of the Holy Spirit and ask Jesus to escort us to a pain-free environment He has prepared for us.
Luna "the Emotion Keeper"
I remember being a scared little girl, afraid to make someone sad or angry. I didn't know what mood swings meant back then when I was growing up. There were times when I felt so sad and couldn't understand it. The feeling was intolerable that killing myself was always in my thoughts, even as a child and growing up as an adult. As a kid, I cried in the dark, wishing for someone to take away the pain. That was when I heard Luna's voice inside my head. She told me don't be afraid and taught me to befriend the boogie man. With Luna around, I was drawn to watching horror movies to cope and learned to deal with the monsters I see in my nightmares. I have Luna take away the bad memories and lock them away. Luna tried very hard to suppress everyone's emotions and thoughts when our system malfunctioned. She is the keeper who holds the traumatic and painful memories, which she finds challenging to let go of and remain unconscious to these memories until they overwhelm her. She carries the massive burden of having to talk about many of everyone's feelings, so she would text and write nonstop when her mind was consumed with racing thoughts. Coping and comforting all the Parts during depression is her strength, and she usually takes over during psychotic episodes. When an episode had passed, and I reread all the texts she wrote to others, I would often get outraged and yell at her for being weak and needy. It embarrassed Luna. This makes her shut down, but whenever I have psychosis and can't deal with it, Luna takes control. All these years, I hurt Luna.
I prayed to God to make me see straight beyond my own pains to learn to empathize and show compassion. God took away my tunnel vision. Self-realization makes me know that I am the wrong one. Luna has become a pillar of strength instead of a delusional liability. She is a source of power instead of a source of pity. Luna and I decided to love God and what He was doing in my life. I allowed my life to see greatness instead of adversity. After all, was said and done, God was gracious enough to show me my purpose. From what I knew, I was living for something and would not give up. The spirit of God had encouraged my heart, and I was sure that greatness was coming my way. I realized that I was different because God wanted me that way. All that time, the most challenging part of the adversity was mental alignment. I was recovering from a negative mentality through the inspiration of God. It was clear to me that the level of life and destiny we live is primarily a part of our mentality. It was made clear to me that if I dealt with my mind, I could possibly overcome any challenge. At this moment, I realized that complete healing was in God's hands, and I was relieved. I programmed my mind to focus on my life as if I had never been ill.
I got encouraged that God was never met by my issue through a surprise. He knew it all and was in the process of preparing me for an extraordinary destiny. Although the healing has not occurred entirely, Luna and I are sure it will end in victory. Listen to Luna, who always has been a Part who is always a "downer," encouraging me to become a pillar of hope to others. Thank you, Luna! Always remember that it is darker before dawn, and the intensity of darkness promotes the glory of light! In that case, I can confidently encourage you that you will win and shine in the name of Jesus Christ!
Lola "Dominate One"
I got pregnant at 17 years old. I was only a kid and had to find a job to support my family. I remember Lola took control at my first job interview. I'm different at home, and I'm different when I leave to work. Being at work, I turned into someone else, not the pushover everyone sees me as. However, Lola's sense of self-empowerment was severely damaged when she woke up after having a mental breakdown, resulting in quitting her job. She doesn't know who did it. She knows for sure it wasn't her making that decision. She feels very hateful towards all the Parts, including me. She was very resentful when I got pushed to get professional help and had difficulty accepting treatment from my psychiatrist and psychologist. Lola is always against taking psychiatric medication. She flipped out when the doctors said I needed medication to feel well and be mentally stable. Because of her, I am unable to consistently take medications. Her problem runs more profound, like self-medicating to appear high functioning to the rest of the world. She is the one who refuses to sleep. She feeds off the extreme energy from being bipolar mania. She would often be self-triggered to be manic because she is addicted to the intense high euphoria feeling from the mania episodes that keep her awake for days. That's her version of the medication that works for her. She doesn't care how demented it sounds. She never considers herself an angel. She only knows what she was created to do — to fight and must succeed at no cost. Every time she experienced an exorcism that happened at church was traumatizing, and it exposed her weakness. She has so much animosity from being called a "demon."
I prayed to God to save us before Lola killed us from her madness. God answered my prayer and guided my Doctor, and we found what worked for me, especially Lola. I believe the combination of Zyprexa injection, an antipsychotic medication to help suppress the bipolar psychosis symptoms, and Lithium, a mood stabilizer medication, to help balance the chemical in my brain to keep me grounded. Lola has been lying low and quietly. I don't feel her wanting to take control as much as she used to. This proves that medication, the proper medication, does work. It just needed time and finding the correct dosage for the medicines to full effect. Having Lola come to a consensus about taking medications daily matters most. The medicines also prove it doesn't make Lola as stupid as she once felt, and, together with God's help, she managed my weight and did not let the side effects negatively affect me. I have my sleeping routine down. Everything is under control.
Lola doesn't have to fight over this anymore. I asked God to soften her heart by understanding what had happened to her was not her fault and that she was not demon-possessed. I told Lola what I learned from HeartSync. The Holy Spirit prompted her to come front and center so that she captively could be set free in God's eye. It is not unusual for people to describe manifestations of emerging Parts as an attack of the enemy or demonic infestation requiring deliverance. They are not trained or educated to help us accurately, but what had happened was not done intentionally; we all agreed it did more damage than good but to forgive all because it was no one's fault. I prayed to God, the Spirit of Fear, and the Spirit of Condemnation to leave Lola because the conflict is resolved, and Lola is synchronized with our Father God. Praised the Lord when Lola said she believed in God.
Dao "the Extended Rescue Part"
I refer to this Part as Dao, the same birth name I used growing up in Riverside down SoCal. Dao is the Part that rescued all of us; she is the Part I want to understand more about. She is a people pleaser who loves doing everything for everyone. She has a gift for caring for others because it gives her a sense of love she doesn't feel she gets. She finds it rewarding to make life easy for everyone because she always seeks approval. She has difficulty talking to people; instead, let her entertain you. Her existence is critical because she takes control in extreme life-or-death situations. Dao is stuck living in the past, constantly feeling miserable and deeply hurt by something someone has said or done that she held on to and can't let go of. She compensates by pleasing and helping others in need of her care to help her forget her hurts. She is a broken-hearted that needs healing on an intense level. I pray to God that he opens my eyes, heart, and mind to how I can help this Part of me. I hope I can comprehend what she is all about, and I want to find a way to give her a sense of peace and harmony. DID people often have layers of extended parts created through a single traumatic event. She was designed to take over the trauma that did not result in her childhood and was not created by the inner child. I must try to reconcile her pains and hurts.
Let me explain and share how she went above and beyond in the name of love. She was never to blame for what happened. We were just a child, and no child could ever be responsible for such a thing. But thanks to Dao for holding this pain all these years. I remember being at a party and drinking. I got drunk, and this older guy I know really likes me took me back to his place. He just said the magic words to me, letting down my guards, and I let him take me away because he said, "I will take care of you." That night, I knew what was happening but was too numb to do anything, but I silently screamed inside my head. I desperately needed someone to take care of me. I ran away from home being on my own, and that was what I was looking for.
What happened that horrible night was date-raped by a faceless guy. Dao came to my rescue and took control to endure the trauma of losing my virginity in an awful way to a guy I don't even care for. Dao took that memory away from me so I could survive and continue living my life. Even though I was on my own as a 16-year-old runaway. This is why Dao can't see anything beyond her suffering and doesn't know who God is. I prayed for God to cast out the Spirit of Confusion that has blinded Dao all these years. With the Holy Spirit's help, she and I seek our Father to resolve any conflict and make it right with her. I can now sense her at peace, and her heart is filled with love.
Observer "the Silent Watcher"
After a traumatic spiritual encounter at the church, I lost memories of what had happened because many Parts came out and took control, causing my mind to go chaotic. I cried out in pain for someone to tell me what happened to me. I was lost and confused being in the dark. My mind created a sub-divided Part who is the Observer. When I become dissociated, she is there to see everything in motion from above and saves the memories. She is the watcher. The Observer deliberately detaches from my mind, and consciousness can function separately. She has a ghost-like replica of my body and scans to travel after leaving my body. I feel like having an out-of-body experience when she comes out floating above as she watches the event unfold and is there to see everything.
Thank you, Father. I am Lena, the True Self, and I speak for all -- let go, let us move on, receive forgiveness, and together we accept God's love. I'm out of the darkness from ignorance, fear, pain, and unhappiness. I see myself in the light of life, signifying knowledge and happiness. Through faith, I'm given a spirit of power, love, and discipline, so I have nothing to fear. I have God's promise to strengthen me to be confident that he'll see me through even the darkest days. God gives me the power to face whatever is in front of me at the moment. All I need is God's love, and there's no need to look for explanations and validation. All glory to God.
