Experiencing My Breakthrough
My psychiatrist, specializing in this particular mental illness, diagnosed me with DID (aka multiple personalities). This is what science called it. Spiritually referring to DID as God's gift. Now I know my illness is not an illness. God gave me a way to fight through the trauma I had and find my way to survive when I was a baby; I almost died from what was tragic to something so unbelievable that only could be supernatural. Can you believe God gave me the gift so I could fight to survive at the tender age of 2?I very much like to make a big announcement. There's nothing demonic about DID. I'm not alone, after all. I found out I'm one of those who have a fractured mind, but that same mind has saved my life numerous times. I wish to break the stigma and know what I know that DID simply means I have a broken, divided heart that can split into separate identities to come through and save me from going through traumatic situations. The deeper underlining issue is not all of my Parts know who God is. These Parts don't understand or cannot accept God's love because they are all held in captivity, being bondage, fighting the same fight in their own ways to survive the trauma my inner child had created as self-defense and coping mechanism. My Parts are still stuck in that past, and that moment replays their trauma repeatedly. There is a disconnect, and the awareness of each other and me as the True Self hearing their voices inside my head makes my mind very chaotic and confused. The Parts are stuck in the past when life moves on in the present world. I'm the True Self, and I'm still feeling weak and having trouble finding my identity makes me question myself. Then I panic in a stressful situation, which triggers a Part to take over, and I switch. This Part fights the same battle, the same way, the same feeling, the same beliefs, the same behavior, and the same action but at a different time and place. When I switch the Part to comes through is not fully aware of being in the present time. This Part dealt with the various cases in the same way that doesn't make sense in the current time. This is all the Parts know is to keep fighting to survive to always protect my inner child, which is my heart. Two years ago, I wrote my book hoping to find someone after reading would say to me, "Lena, I'm like you. I am like that too." Instead, I hear crickets.
I was aware of all my Parts, hearing their voices inside my head, and knowing each Part's respective roles in my severe DID eventually led me to meet someone like me. She suffered the same mental illness, and she is a very spiritual person who told me immediately I am never possessed by demons. She is a lay minister who has DID and is walking proof that God healed her.
There is a connection between science and spirituality! Hallelujah!!! She shared with me about the program, HeartSync, where she teaches those fractured people to learn that healing is through synchronizing broken and divided hearts to connect with God. I'm going to quote what I learned about this program. "HeartSync believes any persistent separation between and within a person's heart, soul, mind, and spirit (emotional and spiritual captivity hindering the resolution of conflicting beliefs and the effects of pain and trauma) prevents a consistent joyful connection with God and others." Healing is not all about rebuking the demons then labeled as demon-possessed, and I know they do not purposely know what they doing to people with DID causes more harm than good. Those churches are stuck in the old rituals and not educated or trained to deal with DID and mistakenly perform an exorcism, which causes more trauma to that person. HeartSync doesn't let you relive your traumas. HeartSync's way of healing is very gentle and slow, and we go through the process in a loving way that comes from the Holy Spirit. Everyone has their own experiences, so it is different for everyone. People with DID need to know every Part needs their own separate individual healing to connect spiritually. We must honor all Parts and let each one heal in their own time so we can integrate to be whole. Then we all can connect with God to receive His love.
The breakthrough for me is taking deliberate action to improve my health, testing my limits, and feeling renewed is worth celebrating. I want to eat healthier after the fast. I will ensure I give my body the nutrients it needs, then learns how to better care for it. I am starting over. On that note, I'm working on a plan for eating healthy, maintaining, being fit, and staying fit.
