Spiritual Enlightenment
For most of my life, I sought to survive, a quest to find answers to "Why am I the way I am. What is the meaning of mental illness. When isLifee worthy of being lived in madness mentally? When to find peace of Mind?"
The past years it seems I gained some critical life insights on some of those questions. I found a church that recognize mental illness and they have a program called HeartSync that helps people like me. They said DID is not illness. It's a gift from God to help me survive and cope with traumas. The multiple personalities are referred to as my "Parts." I mam the True Self part living in the present time and whenever there is a traumatic situation a Part take control but that Part is held in captivity traps in time of their traumas in the past. The major trouble within my Mind is finding out not all of them know who God is. I applied what I know from HeartSync for my own healing. I learned I can now intentionally engage and systematically work with each of my Parts in order to resolve their conflicts, spiritual assignments, and bring them into wholehearted loving relationship with God. With the peaceful Mind, the bridge of harmony that needs to be established between my Parts will lead me, the True Self, to the ultimate goal of life: love and happiness.
Little did the doctors realize that I was taking Part in some spiritual awakening process, which at times mimicked psychosis but actually was an experience of a far different order. I knew without a doubt that I was going through a profound spiritual experience; no one could possibly convince me otherwise; this was the key that saved my sanity.
The experiences and realizations were so mind-blowing that at specific points, I was having trouble "keeping it together," as my whole personality structure was melting and disintegrating, all towards some mysterious, unknown destination where everything was clearly being integrated into a higher and more psychoactive center. Often my actions looked from the outside like typical psychotic behavior. It was, I'm sure, a challenging and problematic situation for those closest to me, as they couldn't understand what I was going through, as it was so far off their map of reality. I was bought into the doctor's diagnosis that I had a mental illness or was demon-possessed, as this was their way of "explaining" what was happening to me that fit into their minimal, comfortable view of the world. From my point of view, I was realizing, or should I say, it was being revealed to me that every moment was the unmediated expression of God.
During these experiences, I met and intimately connected with some of the nicest enlightened people who became my Sisters-In-Christ, mentors, and guides. True miracles, completely impossible experiences, stuff that could only happen in dreams, began happening.
This is the difference between someone who is genuinely mentally ill, who could be said to be drowning in the stormy ocean of the unconscious, compared to an accomplished mystic, who is nurtured and nourished by swimming, surfing, and snorkeling in the healing waters of their psyche. This is not to say that there is not something called mental illness. I wonder how many cases of mental illness are actually spiritual emergencies gone sour. I need to recognize the existence of genuine spiritual emergences and learn to differentiate them from experiences of psychosis. Of course, another great danger, which I can talk about from personal experience, is to wind up in the clutches of and be diagnosed and medicated by the medical and psychiatric community, who typically have no understanding of phenomena such as spiritual emergencies. I've been able to see the perfection of all that has happened. I now understand that all the trials God put me through were an aspect of the awakening; they were Part of my journey to the supernatural world. There is a sense of accepting and embracing whatever has happened in my life, realizing it is all an initiation into the more profound mystery of my infinite and magical being.
